If one thing is true in my life, it’s that I fight insecurity on a daily… hourly… sometimes minute to minute basis. I have never dealt more with insecurity in my life than when I began my career in ministry. The more ministry leaders that I meet and the more people I talk to in general, the more I understand this widespread disease of insecurity. And it’s not just in women – insecurity sometimes runs deepest in men.
I have noticed that as I’ve grown older, and as I’ve entered the “prime of life” the insecurity has become even more prevalent. Insecurity no longer only comes with what I dealt with as a teenager and college student – Am I pretty enough or smart enough – those were insecurities based off of shallow outward appearances. Now, my insecurities come based off of who am I as a person; who I am inwardly, not only who I am outwardly. These days my insecurity comes mostly in the form of, “Am I worthy of love? Am I worthy of praise? Am I living up to their expectations? Is who I am enough?” The questions that are now being raised by insecurity in my life have always been there – I just never knew how to name them or categorize them.
The last year of my life has kind of been a fairytale. I was hired by The Gathering to be their NextGen Pastor and I was living my dream of being in church ministry – a dream I’ve held for many years. However, many days during my first year of ministry, I felt like I was trying to keep my head above water. So often it felt like I was drowning in my own insecurity. I spent the previous seven years believing the lie that I was not worthy of having a job in church ministry (a different blog for a different time). And now that I finally had my dream job, I couldn’t let go of the lie that I didn’t deserve such a position.
Interestingly enough, I now know that my insecurity is at its worst when I am at my best. It seems that when life is going the best for me – when God is blessing me to the fullest – that’s when insecurity rears its ugliest head. Could it be that the Enemy tries to attack our insecurities the hardest when he knows that we are in the “peak time” for God to use us?
Over the last year, these are a few of the biggest lies I’ve believed about myself and the ways I’ve counteracted these insecurities:
1. I Am Too Much
Some days, when my insecurity is present, I begin to believe that I’m “too much” to handle. This lie comes in many forms: I’m too loud, I’m too forward, I’m too opinionated, I’m too bossy, I’m too negative, and the list could go on and on. Undoubtedly there are times when these things are present in my life. Nobody’s perfect! But when the lies begin to speak louder than the truth that I am a Daughter of the King – that’s when the problem occurs. I have made it a practice that when the Enemy tries to tell me I’m too much, I quickly redirect my thoughts. I don’t give him any more time to advertise in my head – I shut him down quick. It’s not easy to do. I usually have to intentionally say, “Nope” in my head and begin to think of something else.
2. I Am Not Enough
This is probably the biggest lie that I face in my day to day life. I would venture to say it’s the lie that most of us deal with. The truth is that Satan wants us to believe that who God created us to be is not good – that it is not enough. Satan even tried to get Jesus to believe this while he was tempting him in the desert. He tried to convince Jesus that the power he possessed was not enough – that who God made him to be was not enough. Isn’t that the same thing he does to us? I am reminded how Jesus shut Satan down – through Scripture. When Jesus was hearing Satan’s lie, “I am not enough,” he was able to silence the adversary with the Word of God. That’s exactly what we should do too. One of my favorite go-to verses to repeat in my head is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “My grace is sufficient for you… For when I am weak then I am strong.” Here are several others that you can take to the ring with you: http://biblereasons.com/not-being-good-enough/
3. God Got it Wrong with Me
Along with feeling like we’re too much or not enough, we often times feel like God just got it wrong with us. It’s an easy lie to believe. Why didn’t God make me more outgoing, more shy, more athletic, more musical? Why didn’t God make my metabolism better so I could eat potatoes for every meal? Oh wait, is that just me?!
Let me speak some truth to you right now, friend. God did not get it wrong with you. He made you very thoughtfully and for a divine purpose. He knit you together in your mother’s womb very carefully and distinctly. He put more thought into who you would be than you can even comprehend. He didn’t get it wrong with you. You are the way you are for a reason. Lean into that and begin to prayerfully consider ways that you can trust His heart and creativity for you.
4. I'm Not as Good as Them
I’m beginning to realize how all of these lies really tie into one another. They’re all woven together. And you can imagine when they are put together to work against us, their force can be rather unstoppable. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of all joy.” Oh, how I have found this to be true in my life. When my insecurity is at its worst, I’m always comparing myself with other people. “I’m not as brave as him. I’m not as intelligent as her. My opinion doesn’t matter as much as theirs.”
Comparison will steal your joy quicker than just about anything. When I find myself comparing myself to others, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and bow my head in prayer. I have to ask God to help me see my worth and my value. I have to ask Him to tell me what He thinks about me.
Insecurity is one of the hardest things we will have to battle in this life. What I want you to know is that it is possible to overcome.
We're in this together!
Hi! My name is Stephanie, and I'm the girl behind this blog! I'm a pastor and a writer and a lover of all things chocolate. As you browse the content on this page, I hope you find yourself encouraged and smiling. At some moments, perhaps you would even shed a tear or two. Most importantly, I pray you find hope in whatever season you're walking through. We are in this journey together, and my calling is to encourage you along the way!