To My Future Husband …
From the time I was a young teenager, I have prayed for you. I remember laying in bed when I was 15 years old and every night as I quieted my heart to sleep, I wondered about you. I wondered what you would look like. Where you lived. How old you were and if you were waiting for me too. As I wondered and dreamed of all the things you could be, I prayed. I prayed for you to meet Jesus, if you hadn’t already. I prayed for your purity and your heart. I prayed that you would be kind and gentle. That you would love your Mama well. That you would hold out for me, in a world that told you to settle. And I prayed that above all, we would love God well through our lives.
As I grew a little older, I began writing you letters – an art a mentor had passed along to me. I read them now and smile and giggle. I imagine you reading them one day and laughing at how silly I was. I lost touch with you through written form for many years because boys caught my attention and I fell head over heels more times than I’d like to admit. If I’m honest, I always knew I was chasing something. Affirmation. Love. Attention. My heart was broken time and time again because I was looking for something that could only be found in the place I knew it was all along. My sweetest, first love… Jesus.
In my mid-twenties, after another relationship had crashed and burned, I found myself in the deepest despair I had ever felt. I didn’t know how to get out. I prayed until I couldn’t pray anymore. Cried until the well was dry. I slept and wept and did it all on repeat for about two years. I didn’t know if you existed anymore. I didn’t know if God would keep His Promise to me. But although my heart felt like it died… my hope for you never did.
I’m nearing thirty now, and I never thought my life would be this way. I never thought I would spend three decades without you. But if I’m honest? It was the right path. In the last two years something in me has changed. Something has emerged that has never been there before. I know who I am. I know whose I am. And I don’t need you to complete me. He does that. And for the first time in my life, the reason I can’t wait to meet you is… I know I’m going to be an awesome wife. No, like really… Crazy good. I know I'll be awesome because I've done the hard work of figuring out my crap and working through my crazy. I know I will be awesome at loving you through a lens of health and resurrection.
I will support you and affirm you. I will speak life over you and remind you of how I see God in you everyday. I will cherish you and never once take you for granted. I will fill your belly with good food and I will laugh with you until I likely pee my pants. I will make our house a home and fill it with as much love and blessing that is humanly possible. And then I will ask Father God to fill it with all of the love and blessing that is only divinely possible. I will fiercely pray for you and fight on your behalf because I already do. I will always defend you and I will forever have your back.
Until God brings us together, I will continue to pray for you every single day. Loving you has been and will continue to be the greatest honor of my life.
Hi! My name is Stephanie, and I'm the girl behind this blog! I'm a pastor and a writer and a lover of all things chocolate. As you browse the content on this page, I hope you find yourself encouraged and smiling. At some moments, perhaps you would even shed a tear or two. Most importantly, I pray you find hope in whatever season you're walking through. We are in this journey together, and my calling is to encourage you along the way!